Wishing for the impossible

For well over a year now, I have been feeling a little sad that I can’t hold Cooper the way I used to.  I even started lifting weights so at the very least I could pick him.  He is such a small kid on the inside, but it is the size of a 10 year old.  Now he, too, is sad that he is too big to be held anymore.

Last night I put the kids to bed.  Cooper asked if we could watch his birth video since it was his birthday.  He giggled through a few parts and then asked if I would sit with him.  He curled into me and seemed to be upset.  I asked what was wrong and he said, “It’s just that I wish I was a baby again.”  I told him that I loved that he was 6 and that we could talk about all kinds of amazing things.  He started crying and I rocked him and he said again, “I just want to be a baby.”  I asked him why he wanted to be a baby again and he said, “So you can hold me.” 

To think only a couple years ago he told me, ‘I a big boy now. I do it all by myself.’