Finally, Cooper is done eating around the clock. He has literally grown out of his skin. His hands are peeling like crazy, just like a snake or something.
I'm warning you now that this will be a very long post. (I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes...I'm still sleep deprived.) I'm posting this version so that I can remember the experience. I won't be editing anything out, but I also won't be gory. Feel free to skip this post if you don't want to hear about the reality of birth. My portion is in black and I'm putting in additional details from Chris in blue.
Chris is very, very close to being done with the video. It made me cry. I hope to post it in a few days.
At home:
While watching television from about 9 pm on Sunday night I kept feeling like I needed to use the bathroom. At 11 pm I noticed that I was going to the bathroom at least every 30 minutes and I was having intense cramping afterwards. I didn't think too much of it since it felt like when I would let my bladder get too full or when I was dehydrated. So I kept drinking water and kept watching TV.
At midnight when I was done watching TV, I went to the bathroom one last time and such bad cramping it brought me to tears. This time it started low in my abdomen and sort of wrapped around to my back. When I was done using the bathroom, I stood up and looked in the mirror and realized this could be the real thing. My immediate thought was 'I'm scared'.
I went and told Chris that I haven't been feeling good and I'm really crampy and that I might be having real contractions. I told him I was just going to go to bed and sleep. Ok, no big deal, she’s been having mini contractions for the past week, if it happens to be more, great, if not, no biggie, it will happen soon enough.
I tried to fall asleep, but every 20 min or so I kept getting out of bed to use the bathroom. It started feeling like I had gas or was constipated. The only place I felt better was sitting on the toilet. After the cramping passed, I would try to lay back down. By 1:30 am, I was getting up every 15 min. By 2:30, every 10 min. Finally at 3:30, I was in a lot more pain and I was really hungry. I hadn't slept anyhow, so I got up to let Chris know that I thought I might be in labor. I ate a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.
Just as I am just finishing getting ready for bed (yes I like to stay up late) I see Salina getting a bowl of cereal. Odd that she is up this late, but she tells me that she’s been having contractions, and they are about 10-15 mins apart. As we sit and talk for a moment, the contractions seem to be coming quicker and quicker, so I sit down at the computer and she paces back and forth.
I really didn't believe it was the real thing. I thought it would go on for while and then stop and I would still be pregnant for another couple of weeks. I kept telling Chris I wasn't sure, but we could use contractionmaster.com to time the contractions. On her suggestion I pull up a web page that allows you to track the time between and length of contractions with just a push of the spacebar, so that we will have better information on what step to take next.
Since the toilet was the most comfortable, I needed something that was similar. Che told me that the big exercise balls really helped her during labor so I sat on mine. It felt great.
Chris timed the contractions and put counter pressure on my lower back. I was in a lot more pain now, but I could still breathe through everything. The pilates class I took while being pregnant really helped me focus on my breathing.
The first contraction is 45 sec long and takes around 8 minutes before the next one arrives, the next is also around 45 sec long, but now we are down to 5 min 30 sec until the next one comes. Salina is adamant that this could likely be false labor and we will probably just end up back home if we go to the hospital tonight.
The next contraction comes 3 min 45 sec later, this continues as 3 min 30sec, 3 min 15 sec, 3 min 20 sec, 2 min 45 sec (getting a little close together don’t you think), 3 min 20 sec, with each contraction pushing the space bar and then putting pressure on Salina’s lower back to help relieve some pain. I could feel the ramp up, the peak, and then the contraction coming back down.
Between contractions Chris kept looking in the Husband Coached Childbirth book and I kept telling him that all he has to do is keep me calm and keep me breathing. He finally looked online and says "No, I'm trying to figure out when we're supposed to call the doctor." I tell him the rule is 5-1-1. Contractions every 5 min, lasting for 1 min, consistent for 1 hour.
I tell him it has been an hour, but once they hit every 2 min, I tell him, "Oh, those are kind of close, I guess we should call the doctor to see what she says. I'm sure they're going to tell us to just keep laboring at home though.'" I am really convinced that we could just wait until the doctor's office opens at 9 am to call them.
He finds my cell phone and calls the doctor's office around 4:15 am and gets the off-hours phone number. Then he has to call the on-call doctor. After a few calls to get to the on-call doctor, I finally talk to her at around 4:15 am on 4/14. He starts the phone call with 'You are the on-call doctor and I was told to call you.' I think the doctor was like 'And??' Chris finally spits out that I might be in labor and what my contractions are like. He fills the doctor in on my progress from my last doctor's appointment and that I am GBS negative. Once I give her Salina’s contraction info for the past hour she says that we should head to the hospital. I think the doctor didn't have really clear English, or Chris was nervous/excited, plus focused on me since he was still trying to help me through contractions coming every 2-3 min, because I kept hearing him say, 'What?', 'I'm sorry, say that again.'
Finally I hear him say, 'Okay so we need to go the hospital then?' I still feel like this isn't the real thing. Salina decided that she needed a shower first, while I loaded the car and paced back and forth. The shower felt wonderful! I had several contractions during my 10 min shower and one while brushing my teeth. When I got out of the shower, Chris was all dressed and the car was already packed. He appeared calm to me at the time, but I now realize he was very anxious.
On the way to the hospital:
We left for the hospital at 4:45 and as we were getting in the car, I told Chris that this could just be false labor and that the hospital will likely check me and send us home. I still didn't think I was in labor. We got on the road and I tell Chris, "Okay, so don't speed, but don't exactly go slow either. I can't sit still during contractions so the fewer the better."
I swear we hit every red light. I was starting to feel some more pain, but still could breathe through everything. Chris was trying to put pressure on my back and drive at the same time, while I was practically dancing out of the seat every few minutes. Between contractions I felt normal and relaxed.
It’s a good thing Hoag Hospital is only 10 min from home and the roads were empty because dealing with Salina’s contractions while driving was somewhat taxing on my multitasking abilities.
We get to the hospital and the valet guys had not come on duty yet, so we parked ourselves. (Yes, you read that right, there is valet available at the hospital. It's located in Newport Beach. Enough said.) Chris and I decided not to take the tour of the hospital before hand, we just figured there would be signs to follow.
Arriving at the hospital:
We enter the Women's Pavillion/Main Entrance at 5 am. There are 3 people working at the registration desk, each with a patient and one person standing in front of us waiting. The gentleman waiting in front of us, looks back and continues to stand there, not even offering to let the pregnant woman go first. I would guess that the guy’s reason for being there was more important then ours, mind you that this is just regular registration and not the emergency room (the hospital has a separate wing for child birth).
I can tell everyone is looking at me to see if I'm in labor. I'm trying to be as quiet as I can through the contractions while we patiently wait. The guy in front of us finally goes up the next available clerk and I turn to Chris and say that now would have been the best time for someone to let the pregnant lady go first.
Finally a clerk looks around the person she is helping and sees that we are next in line. She says, "Ma'am, are you having a baby?" I answer, "I hope so." She says, "Well, we don't have babies in the lobby, take the elevators directly up to the 5th floor." I smile and thank her politely.
As we come out of the elevator, there is no one around, its just an empty waiting room and sealed doors. We didn't see a bell or a sign or anything. I was dancing around and saying, "You have got to be kidding me. What do we do now? There has to be a bell or a sign or something." Salina started to have another contraction at this point, so I'm not focused on finding a way in, but on helping her. As the contraction subsides, she noticed a sign on the desk stating to ring the bell. Ok, not too difficult, ring the bell. A man answers and Chris says, "Uh, my wife is in labor?" and the man tells us to go through the double doors. The doors open and we walk to the nurses station where Salina gets checked in.
Since I pre-registered and we called ahead they only needed me to sign a few papers. I told Chris that I didn't think I was of sound mind to be signing anything! And forget about the date, they can fill that in, I'm having a contraction here! Who really believes that a woman having contractions is in any way fully conscious of what she is signing?
Getting checked into the L&D room:
So they take us back to the room and have me put my gown on. I wasn't sure which way they wanted it to open so I walked out with the front open. Chris smiles and asks the nurse which way she wants me to put the gown on. I quickly turn it around so the back is open instead of the front. I honestly couldn't focus on anything but the contractions.
I sat in the bed and they took my vitals and asked a bunch of questions about labor progressing and pain management. I told them I would want an epidural, but I was okay for now. When the nurse examines Salina, she’s already at a “stretchy four”, I'm guessing this means that she's almost five cm dilated, and well on her way to having the baby. The nurse checked my progress (4 cm, 90% effaced, baby is sunny side up) and said I would likely go fast, so I may want to consider getting it done early. Just as she saying this, my pain level goes up and sitting/laying on the bed is pure torture!
I ask about the risks--slowing down labor and dropping my blood pressure. The nurse seems to answer honestly, but I can tell that it is the norm to get an epidural. She says that the epidural doesn't usually slow down labor in cases like mine, where I am already progressing quickly on my own. It will however allow me to get some rest before I have to push. She says I should be able to feel everything except the pain.
I sit indian style and this seems to help with the pain while Chris helps me breathe through the contractions. The nurse asks if I'm having pain in my back and I said yes. She tells me that it's because he is sunny side up, but she thinks he will turn face down before labor. They hook me up to an IV and push a bag of fluids in me at a very quick rate (required for the epidural to help with the risk of lowering my blood pressure). I am limited to ice chips and popsicles. All I can think is thank god I had that bowl of Cheerios, and please let him get here by lunch time!
Getting the epidural:
At 6am she got her epidural shot, from an oddly funny doctor who was on his 22nd hour of a 24 hour shift. I think, this exhausted man is going to stick a long needle in my spine?? Holy cow, do I really want this? Then I have another contractions and look at Chris' face. After the contraction, I'm exhausted and I think yes, I have to get it otherwise I won't have energy to push.
Before he starts to do the epidural, he tells me about all of the awful things that can happen, mixed in with very dry humor, and praise for my breathing technique. I keep thinking why do they tell a woman in pain all this stuff and then ask her to make a decision?
The epidural burns a little bit, but the hardest part was sitting still through a contraction. After this things became much easier for me. I no longer had to see her in pain which was a huge relief. I start itching everywhere almost immediately. My arms, hands, head, neck, face. I ask about it and the nurse tells me it's from the epidural. Hmmm, the doctor didn't mention that part.
At this point things are slightly jumbled in my mind. I know that Salina progressed fairly quickly for a first time mother, and at some point I tried to take a nap since I had been up 24 hours already and it would probably be a while before getting any real sleep.
Breaking my water:
They told me that they wanted to break my water and I ask why. I can tell they aren't used to patients questioning they're decisions. They said my bag is already bulging and it can slow my labor. I asked if I would be required to deliver in 24 hours if they broke my water. The nurse says, I doubt you'll be here another 12 hours, so I wouldn't worry if I were you. At 7 am they break my water and check me and I am 5 cm, 100% effaced and Cooper is still sunny side up.
They start the pitocin drip because my contractions have slowed down to every 4 min. When they leave I start to wonder if I made a mistake getting an epidural, because now I was on pitocin. These are all risky for me and the baby and can lead to a c-section. I almost start crying, but quickly accept that I made these decisions and I need to do the best I can for me and the baby.
I begin doing the visualization methods that the Bradley method suggests. I picture flowers opening up, and the rings on the water when a rain drop hits it. I monitor my contractions on the print out (since I can't feel them) and think about Cooper kicking his little feet to 'swim' down in me.
New Nurses:
Our check-in nurse, Sam, tells us that she doesn't want to see us there when she comes back on duty at 7 pm. Mary and Heidi are the day nurses. Heidi is still in training, but has an excellent bedside manner and Mary is really experienced and very nice.
Chris and I both try to get some sleep or at least rest. But after an hour or so neither of us are sleeping since we have too much adrenaline. We open the curtains and what a beautiful day!! We have a beautiful ocean view. What a way to have a baby. It finally hits me that this is really happening. That I am really in labor and I am really going to have a baby today. It's all so surreal.
Then I notice that I am really numb and can't feel anything. I can't move my toes or legs. The numbness is creeping into my chest and shoulder blades. The nurse comes in around 8:30 am to check on me and I ask if I'm supposed to feel this numb. She asks what I mean and I explain. She says it could be that I'm laying down too much. She raises the bed a bit and starts having me roll from side to side every 20-30 minutes to 'spread out' the medicine.
Making Progress:
When they check me at 9 am, I am 7 cm and 0 station. They predict I will have a noon baby. Really?!?! I'm actually going to have a baby in a few hours?!? What happened to being pregnant for a couple more weeks??
By 10 am, the numbness has gone away and I can feel when I have a contraction, but I can't feel the pain. I start breathing through the contractions, even though I don't have to. I want to concentrate on what my body is doing so that I continue progressing.
Starting to feel pressure:
At 11 am, I am starting to feel a little pressure and I'm starting to have the labor shakes during contractions. The nurse says to let her know when I feel pressure, so I have her come in. They check me and I am 9 cm, +1 station. You could tell that the nurse was excited about how far along Salina was. She called in another nurse to check the progress. I'm also started feeling a little more pain and I knew that it will probably get a little worse. I pushed the button to give me a little more medicine and within 10 minutes I felt the pressure of contractions, but no pain.
By 11:30 am I'm feeling more pressure and I keep telling Chris I almost have to push. Instead I let the contractions do what they need and move him down in me. I can literally feel him moving further down in me. They are setting up the room and ask if I want a mirror. I say yes.
Start Pushing
At noon I'm feeling a lot of pressure and I really need to do some pushing. They have me practice push, which is exactly like real pushing except I push three times every third contraction. The nurses help me focus on where I should push and how I should breathe. I kept blowing the air out because otherwise it felt like I was just pushing in my face. The nurse said to hold my breath to keep the oxygen in and it can go to my blood while I push. They also tell me not to push with my face or my eyes will be blood shot. I tell them I have to let out some of the air then.
After the first couple practice pushes the the nurse, Mary, asked if Salina was an over achiever, which of course I had to reply with the affirmative. Chris and the nurses started joking that I am an over-achiever in everything. I honestly just wanted to have a baby by lunch time...I was getting hungry.
At 12:10 pm, they check me and I am complete. They call the doctor and she says she is 15 minutes away. The nurse says she will probably be here more like 12:45 pm. I tell them I really have to push and they let me push every other contraction, three times for 10 counts each. They keep telling me how well my baby is tolerating labor.
At 12:15 pm, the nurse notices that my contractions are really effective and I can definitely feel him moving down even further. From 12:20 to 12:25 I continue pushing. I make one last push and I can feel him RIGHTthere!! I can see the top of his head in the mirror. He has hair!
Wait, don't push:
The urge to keep pushing is overwhelming. The nurse sees that I'm too close and the doctor still hasn't arrived. Suddenly the nurse with us tells Salina that she has to stop pushing immediately. I yell, "I CAN'T!! I HAVE TO PUSH!" The nurse says no, you can't yet. I start freaking out and crying and yell "BUT I HAVE TO PUSH!" She says, "If you do, I'll have to deliver my first baby."
Then I hear Chris' voice and he says, "Wait, just breathe. The doctor will be here soon. You can do this." The nurse rolls me over to face Chris and I breathe through every excruciating urge to push from 12:25 to 12:45. The urge to push is so intense, I don't have words for it. I don't feel the pain, but I do feel Cooper's head between my legs.
The doctor arrives, okay to push:
At 12:45, the doctor walks in. She is dressing in scrubs and gloves from the moment she walks in the door. She sits down in front of me and says, "Okay, push when you need to. But when his head comes out, hold off for one second so I can unwrap the cord if it's around his neck."
I immediately began pushing on the next contraction and with every push I could see Cooper's head coming out more. The doctor mentions episiotomy and I somehow manage to tell her, no I would rather tear than be cut. So we proceed with pushing. I can feel everything, but no pain. His head feels like a ton of stretching and a lot of pressure.
Here he comes:
On my third push, Cooper's head comes out!! (At some point he turned to face toward my back because he didn't come out sunny side up.) It's a huge sense of relief. I immediately start crying and I desperately want to see the rest of him. He's so beautiful already. I do another push on the next contraction and out come his shoulders. Another huge sense of relief.
Then one final push and out comes his body and legs. It feels like slippery twigs tumbling out of me. I go from feeling very full and pregnant, to just emptiness in side. It was such a strange sensation.
I am crying tears of joy. They immediately put him on Salina’s chest, and we met Cooper officially at 12:53 pm. I keep saying how beautiful and cute he is. Even in all his slime with purple skin. He starts crying and I have tears streaming down my face.
I have had moments that fill me with emotion: saying “I Do,” hearing those same words in return, and my grandfather’s funeral, but none come even close to the immense feeling of love that overcame me when Cooper finally appeared. I'm sure other parents will understand what I'm saying, but until you have been through this experience, its impossible to fathom how much love you can feel for someone you just met.
The nurses start removing my gown so that I can have skin to skin contact and I am frantically pushing all the monitors off of me. The nurse, says "Wait. You are pushing all the stuff down toward where the doctor is working." I stop and let the nurse take everything off of me.
Oh, it's like heaven to hold him for the first time. He is screaming still and I remember reading during pregnancy that he will know my voice and it will calm him. Sure enough, I say "I love you Cooper" and he calms down. He looks up at me and barely peeks his eyes open. I melt.
They put warm blankets over the both of us and just let us be. I've never felt so amazing as I did in that moment. Never more like a woman. I look over and Chris already has the video camera out (uh, when did he get that out??) and he has tears running down his face. He kisses my forehead and says I love you.
I sat there it total bliss for about 20 minutes. Then I realized that I wasn't feeling very good. I was suddenly feeling weak, very thirsty and very hungry. I was also shaking. I tell them they can take him to clean him up and Chris goes across the room with him.
After delivery:
I look in the mirror one last time and I see a LOT of blood. The doctor seems very concerned and is working calmly, but feverishly to take care of me. The nurses bring me a juice drink, that is by far the BEST tasting thing I've ever had in my life. I gulped it down quickly and then asked for another one. They also brought Chris one, but I drank that too.
Finally the doctor is calm and tells me I tore in a very unique way in three places, all second degree tears. One is straight down, then up diagonally from that , and once very badly internally. I keep telling them I am cold, really cold. Once the doctor is done stitching me up, they take my vitals and realize I'm running a temperature. They tell me I'll have to keep an IV for 24 hours to get antibiotics.
I'm only half paying attention to what's going on with Cooper, but I hear a nurse ask who has pointy ears. I laugh and ask if he has Chris' ears. Chris turns to me, smiles and says yes. I have to ask later what all of his stats were.
Once they're done with him, Chris is holding him in a little burrito wrap and he has tears running down his face. He looks at me and says, "We make cute babies."
I'm finally feeling well enough to hold Cooper again. All I can think is how beautiful he is and how surreal the moment is. His cheeks are so cute, and round. He looks so healthy. He has my hair and his eyes are so slanted...all Eskimo. Mostly though I think he looks just like his daddy.
What I am most surprised about during all of this, is how unsurprised I was to be a mommy. I thought I would have this overwhelming sense of love and feeling that my life has changed once I saw him. What I realized is that I had already thought of myself as a mommy and I already was in love with Cooper, long before I could actually hold him in my arms.
Lunch time:
They finally bring some lunch in for me and I pass Cooper off to Chris. The lunch is the best thing ever. It was some kind of chicken breast with sauce on it, some rice and veggies. I can't get it down fast enough and I can't stop telling Chris how amazing it tastes.
Off to recovery:
Around 3 pm, they have me lean on a nurse to get out of bed and sit me in a wheel chair. They have Cooper in a bassinet and we all head to recovery on the 7th floor.
