Being Charlotte’s mom

As a result of my mother passing, my sister (Charlotte’s birth mom) is suddenly in my life again after many years of having no contact.  Charlotte has been very curious about her little life and we have been answering many questions lately.  She has asked repeatedly to meet my sister and also her older siblings.  We have absolutely wanted more contact with her siblings, but we have been cautious with my sister.  I am still cautious, but she seems to be putting her life back together.  I am happy for her and proud of her progress.  I am completely okay with contact as long as she keeps her life on track and Charlotte wants the contact.

I know Charlotte knows me as her mom but it is hard to share motherhood with another woman, even if that woman is my sister.  What I have to keep remembering is that it simply means Charlotte has even more people to love her.  I feel incredible happiness for Charlotte being able to have that connection with her siblings and my sister, but I also am left with feelings of confusion.  I want so much to protect Charlotte’s heart.  I would be lying if I didn’t say I want to protect mine too.  And despite everything, my heart still breaks for my sister.

So here we are entering a new chapter of our lives.  My sister and I learning how to be sisters again, in whatever capacity that might look like.  Charlotte learning she can be a daughter and sister in two families.  And somewhere along the line all the kids teaching us that the situation isn’t nearly as complicated as the adults think it is.  Except maybe Cooper – the first question he asked was, “Why couldn’t Charlotte stay with you?”   (My sister answered his question with grace and honestly, using the same language we use with the kids:  Charlotte needed to go to a family who could give her all the things I couldn’t give her because I was making a lot of poor choices in life.)

On a side note, I am very, very tall compared to my family members, especially my sister.  She is only about 5’2” and all of her children are tiny.  The oldest is 12…Cooper isn’t much shorter than him. It was hard for me to see him as his real age because of his height.  Now I know how other people view Cooper.

And because I was astounded to see pictures of her older brother when he was baby—Charlotte looks so much like him! (Charlotte on the left for all pictures.)