I have spent a significant part of my life protecting myself. Protecting myself from being hurt by those I love, those who love me, and from perfect strangers with whom one day I may share a bond. I know it comes from feeling like my parents would not concern themselves with caring for me, not in the way I believed I deserved. That trust between child and parent was irreparably destroyed at an early age, and I have spent all these years relying only on myself, and never trusting or relying on anyone to give me anything, not even love or friendship. My husband is the only exception to this in my life.
As I have (not-always-successfully) been spending time doing nothing and just being, I have realized that the times when amazing things have happened in my life, it was because I wasn’t worried about protecting myself, but rather, I was being unabashedly myself, vulnerable and honest.
I want to be myself at all times, in all places in my life, not just when I’m with my husband. It is something I embrace when I dance. I need to dance more in my life.
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