We finally are making headway on the adoption! We went from making zero progress to a hurry up, get it done, like yesterday. We received a huge stack of papers with a zillion questions and document requests, so it's a bit overwhelming. We are having to think about answers to questions like:
- Characterize the relationship with your mother/father/caretaker/siblings
- Describe parents' relationship, your childhood, parents' disciplinary style
- Describe your early dating experiences, first sexual experiences, parents' attitude toward sex
- Describe your marriage, characteristics of spouse, the roles each person plays in the marriage
- Describe areas of disagreement, how often you argue
We also have to provide a thorough financial statement and certified birth and marriage certificates. Then we both need to get a physical, fingerprinting and background checks done. That's just the paperwork! We will still have in person interviews, a home inspection and possibly classes to take. It really amazes me that we were able to just wake up one day and decide to have a baby before we had Cooper, but we are required to prove that we will be good parents in order to adopt Charlotte. Unreal!
One of the blogs I read, dooce, has posed the question...Which is more difficult, parenthood or marriage?
My answer?
Parenthood. Hands down. Marriage has been a piece of cake...even when it's been hard, being a parent is so much more difficult. Baby blues are awful. Postpartum depression is worse. Healing after giving birth was traumatic for me. Having one baby and then a second only 3.5 months later is an enormous undertaking (there is a reason pregnancy is 9 months!). Having your freedom completely taken away overnight and being held hostage to a 3 hour schedule is frustrating and has made me depressed and angry many times.
Experience in marriage actually means something...you can learn from mistakes and build on what you know. With parenting, as soon as you figure it out, everything changes and you have to start all over again. Like every 2 weeks. Even having two kids doesn't help...they are completely different individuals and what works for one doesn't work for the other. Experience means zilch.
I think a great follow up question is...which makes you happier marriage or parenthood? The amazing thing is that no matter how hard being a parent is and how easy marriage is, the joy and happiness is equal. The surprises are endless, the laughter never stops, and the butterflies of happiness in my belly are constant. Really. It. is. the. best. thing. ever.
(You must read what the first guy commented in response to dooce's blog. Bawahahaha!!!)
3 comments:
Do not sweat the paperwork. You know, we had to complete all of that and 3 classes to even get a placement in our home, and as you know, we do not even necessarily get to keep the child. Even though we have done and passed all that stuff.
It is good though, maybe they SHOULD require all parents to do this stuff before they can get pregnant. But if they did that, I would not have Brianna, she would have never even been born. I am blessed every day due to somebody elses mistakes. It is quite a bizarre reality!
Want to realize CRAZY??? They NEVER do a drug test! Is that not just nuts? Two of my kids came from a foster home where the adults were drug addicted! So, they got taken from a drug addicted birth home and put in a drug addicted foster home. Don't you think they should worry less about financials more about the stuff that matters? It really irritates me. I feel for you though we've lived the paperwork overload many times!
I LOVE this post!
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