Disciplining someone else’s child

We were at the park  a week or so ago and there were several children playing.  I brought some balls and sand toys for the kids, but typically everyone shares and we’re okay with that.  Many of the children were a little older, but a few of the boys around ages 4-6 were playing with each other. 

Cooper was playing with his ball, but was chasing the boys around.  The 4 year old little boy (he told me how old he was several times!) snatched the ball out of Cooper’s hand and went to run off with it.  The boy’s father was sitting a fair distance from the playground area, completely absorbed in his phone and not at all paying attention.  Since Cooper got upset, I stopped the little boy by putting my hand on the ball and telling him that if he wanted to play with Cooper’s ball that it wasn’t nice to take it without asking nicely.  He kept saying he wanted to play with it and I told him, “I understand sharing is hard and that you want to play with Cooper’s ball, but you have ask Cooper nicely before you play with it.”   He decided to give the ball back to Cooper instead.

Charlotte typically plays by herself at the park and she was throwing her ball and then chasing after it.  The 4 yr old little boy snatched her ball after she threw it, which resulted in a melt down from Charlotte.  I again stopped the little boy (dad still far away not paying attention) by putting my hand on the ball, but he ripped it out of hand.  So instead of playing tug of war with a 4 year old, I put one hand gently on his shoulder and one on the ball, got down to his level and said, ‘I need you to listen to me.  Charlotte was playing with her ball and she is very upset that you took it without asking.  Will you please give her her ball back?”  He said, ‘But I want to play with it.  I want it.’  I told him “I know you want to play with it, but it’s Charlotte’s turn right now.  When she’s done you can play with it.  Will you please give her ball back to her?”  He walked over and gave it to her and then patted her on the head and off he went.

So what’s appropriate when disciplining someone else’s child?  I felt like in this case the dad didn’t care, didn’t notice, or was checked out and since the boy was older and understood the concept of sharing, it was important for me to protect my children.  However I think it was very important to be gentle and help the boy learn the ‘right’ behavior.  I struggled the most when it was clear I was going to have to touch the boy and not just the ball, but I honestly could not envision myself playing tug of war with a 4 year old, nor getting him to listen to me without touching him.

For my friends and family, I fully expect them to correct my children if I don’t see it or I’m not in the room.  I would be offended if a stranger did it if I was standing right there and they didn’t give me time to do it myself (i.e. just took over, rather than looking to me to take care of it).  But if I was paying attention to one child and didn’t see the other, I’m okay with a stranger gently correcting my child.

What do you think?