That’s what big brothers do

Cooper and Charlotte have really been amazing friends since they were babies.  They’ve had a built-in playmate and they’ve always looked out for each other.  I am so happy to see that this hasn’t changed as they have gotten older.

Both of the kids have toothbrushes that play music for 2 minutes while they brush their teeth.  Charlotte loves the song on Cooper’s toothbrush, but I won’t let her use his (ew, gross).  So when he brushed his teeth he leans over for a few seconds so she can hear the song, while he put his other arm over her shoulders.  When they finished brushing their teeth, Charlotte turned to Cooper and said, ‘Cooper, you are a good brother.  I love you.’

I took the kids to the park yesterday and I was watching Cooper and Charlotte interact with the other kids at the park.  Cooper found a little boy who was probably about 8-10 years old to play with.  Soon I overhear this exchange:

Cooper:  Hey that’s mean.  That’s my sister and she can play.  Look you made her sad.

Little boy:  [shrugs]

Cooper: [goes to little boy’s dad]  Excuse me sir, but your son won’t let my sister play the game and she is very upset.

Dad:  [nods at Cooper and half-heartedly says] Play nicely please

Little boy: She can’t play with us.

Cooper:  Well if my sister can’t play, I won’t be your bad guy.

Little boy:  Alright, fine she can play too.

When I told Cooper on the way home that I was proud of him for sticking up for his sister and that he was very kind.  He told me, ‘Well that’s what big brothers do.’

(On a side note, I have often wondered if one our children would begin viewing themselves as the oldest or first born.  I tend to think of Cooper as my first born and of Charlotte as my oldest.  I guess Cooper views himself as the oldest and Charlotte doesn’t seem to refute.  I wonder if it’s a combination of how I interact with them, their size difference, and their very different personalities.)

Where is the off button?

I think every parent in my generation has had at least one electronic toy in their house that they have explained to their child that the toy must be broken if it doesn’t turn on, when in reality the parent knows that the batteries are just dead.  Because what damned manufacturing company ever thought it would be a good idea to make a noisy toy that doesn’t have a power button, or at the very least a VOLUME button?  I think our last toy that did that was around age 18 months, and that was when I started buying toys with no lights and no sounds.  For friends’ kids too.

Being a parent?  That’s kind of like having the loudest, brightest, biggest, electronic toy that requires interaction from you randomly every 15 seconds to 10 minutes from sometimes 5 am, but most of the time 7 am, until let’s hope it’s always 8 pm because 8 pm is my absolute limit.  AND.THERE.IS.NO.OFF.BUTTON.

When Charlotte first came home it was a novel idea to have two children.  Somewhere a long the way I picked up this ideal version of motherhood and though how amazing it would be to have twins.  Then reality hit with two babies and it was so far from ideal that it was merely a test in survival.  It got a lot easier in toddlerhood and I felt lucky to be going through stages only once.  Age 3 was LONG and, well, three year olds are assholes.  Then we hit the magical age of 4 where they had more emotional control, and were suddenly miniature inquisitive humans.  But here we are at 6.  We have encouraged curiosity.  We have rewarded question and challenge.  We have expected independence.  And we are reaping what we have sowed. 

I just don’t think I can answer one single more question.  Or I am seriously considering setting parenting questioning hours.  Between the hours of 6 pm and 7 pm they can ask as many questions as they desire.  Outside of those hours, depends on my mood.  Or maybe I could just teach them how to Google.  Because the questions.  OMG the incessant questions.  From two of them.  All day.  About everything – if they are curious, if they lack confidence, or need clarity, or want to challenge the boundaries.  This too shall pass?  No?  WELL DON’T TELL ME.

I was talking to Chris the other night on the way to a concert.  As the day before Valentine’s Day I was thinking about the times people have asked me, how did you know Chris was the one?  And even not being put on the spot to answer, I still couldn’t answer that question to myself.  So I asked him, how did he know I was the one? (Can you believe that after 10 years of marriage and almost 14 years together, I have never asked him that question?)

He took a minute and he said, “Because I didn’t get bored.  No matter how much time passed, how much time we spent together, or how much I got to know you, I never got bored.”  His answer so resonated with me, that I know his answer is my answer, too.  It is not just this way for him and why he is the one, but also for all other areas of my life.  I seek and enjoy challenge in my life.  I expect to be challenged in my life, to overcome, to achieve.  And when I’m not challenged, I lose interest.  I move on. 

It is why I enjoy the learning process so much.  It is why I pursue the most difficult avenue.  It is why ballet intrigues me so.  It doesn’t get easier.  I just get better.

What I realized though, is I work to my absolute maximum achievement potential.  I will never be a prima ballerina, but I will very likely learn how to dance on pointe and have a paying audience watch me dance.  I will never have my photos world-renowned, but I very likely could start a photography business, if I so choose. 

Parenting is a different kind of challenge.  It isn’t one that I can learn in a year.  It is something doesn’t really have any instruction.  It is a cumulative sum, of a vast number of decisions, made every single day, for over a period of 25 years.  The worst part is that I feel like I won’t know the the impact of those cumulative decisions, until year 25.  Or later.

And that for me, leaves me nearly paralyzed with anxiety.  It is another person’s life that is being affected by my everyday decision making.  It makes me seek all the fun, carefree moments with my children.  I wish life could just be a series of events that only subsist of birthday parties, bowling, spending hours playing video games, eating candy by the handfuls, and playing outside at the park.  I wish it could only be the carefree days and moments, instead of the I.lose.my.temper.at.stupid.shit.my.kids.say.or.do days.  Too many of those kind of tough days leaves me feeling depleted, makes me feel like the world’s worst parent, and takes all the joy out of it.

I need to figure out a way to make more of the day to day life feel like the carefree moments.  The days that I get to be a kid right along side my children are the moments that silence the anxiety, silence the temper, give me an unlimited well of patience.  Those moments are the off button. 

On parenting

We tried a new experiment: fend for yourself dinner. Charlotte microwaved a hot dog, had yogurt and grapes. Cooper has had yogurt and ate some cold leftover pizza.  They were confused why we weren’t all eating together, but they did like making their own dinners.  On our way to independence!

Charlotte and Cooper have a new chore!  Vacuuming.  They love it.  Smiley thinks it’s a big game and attacks the vacuum.

We let the kids sled on the stairs.  Friends on FB were awesome at helping the kids learn that there are better options than a pillow:

• Use a real sled.
• I want to come do this with your kids!
• Use flat cardboard boxes
• Put the pillows and blankets at the bottom of the stairs
• A pillow isn’t slippery enough.
• Climb inside the pillow case
• Use a laundry basket.  They flip for added fun.

I am on a number of message board forums pertaining to my various interests and hobbies. A perfect stranger who is also on one of these message boards, whom I happen to have many interests in common with, including living in Colorado, had an unimaginable medical situation arise with her very young 3 year old daughter. The little girl went from being perfectly healthy, to having her heart stop for a prolonged period of time in just a 12 hour time span. She spent time in the ICU and the MRI indicated no brain activity.  Her parents took her off life support and donated her organs and soft tissue to others in need.   This affected me in ways I cannot express.  It hit so close to home.  It takes a moment, a single moment to completely change your whole life.

I still can't stop thinking about this woman I've never met and what she must be thinking and feeling.  I attended the funeral and it was completely heart breaking.  I've hugged by babies extra tight since I learned of this tragedy and because there may be a day that I don’t have a choice, when Cooper asked me to lay down with him at bedtime I said yes.

I also donated money directly to her, in hopes of allowing her to take the time she needs to grieve. The entire group of internet strangers raised >$50K in a week, with nearly half of that in less than 24 hours. It's times like this that I have complete faith in humanity. If you are interested in learning more, or supporting this family, you can find the donation link here: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/love-light-for-zb/127512

Shortly after this little girl died, we finished our first chapter book, Charlotte’s Web. I could barely get through the final few chapters without getting choked up.  When I read the part that Charlotte died, Cooper started bawling.  Full on hiccup crying with big alligator tears.  He looked up at me and said, ‘Why did the spider die?’  I told him that animals have different life spans and that animals like elephants live a long time, but that spiders don’t.  He asked how long dogs live and I told him about 15-20 years.  He really started crying and said, ‘I don’t want Scout and Smiley to die.’  I told him it would be a very long time before that happened and then I continued reading.  Then Charlotte says, ‘Mommy, my brother is crying really hard,’ and I told her that he was upset about the spider.  Through his tears he said he was upset about our dogs dying.

Then I started getting more emotional and Cooper looks up at me through his tears and I know exactly what he is going to ask, “Mommy are you going to die too?”   I almost lost it and told him that I would live a very long time and that he didn’t need to worry about me.  This one area I felt like he needed comfort and not the honest truth that it only takes a moment for our lives to change.  I hugged him tight for a few minutes before I finished the book.  At the end, Cooper just put his head in my lap and cried.  Charlotte asked if we could read it again.

The next night I was away from home for some commitment and while Chris put the kids to bed Cooper said, “Daddy, I miss mommy.”  Chris reassured him that I would be home the next day and then Cooper said, “Daddy, I’m really going to miss mommy when she dies.”  Chris’ stomach dropped and told him the same thing I did—that I would live a long time and he didn’t need to worry about that.

Gosh, this parenting thing can be really hard!

Cooper says funny things

I seriously love the way my children think.  The things they say are awesomely funny.  Cooper tends to say the more random stuff.  Most of these are a collection from FB:

I have no idea how to explain a wire transfer to the kids. Cooper thinks the money gets broken up into tiny pieces and travels along the wires by electricity.

The kids are learning about science, and I think molecules.  They told me: Did you you know everything is made of pollencubes? Our clothes, the paint on the wall, even people are made of pollencubes. You can't see them because they are way deep.  But they aren’t the smallest things.  There are things smaller than pollencubes, but you really can’t see them because they are even deeper.

Cooper asked me how the doctors got him out of my tummy. I told him I had a special spot on my body that babies are born from and he replied with, 'and you don't have that spot anymore because you don't want anymore babies, right?' I had to explain that I still have that spot, but I don't need to use it for babies. He seemed satisfied. Oh wow, birds and the bees starting early!

Cooper asked when he could get those necklaces for his teeth. Lol. I think he means braces.

Cooper said, ‘Sometimes people call me Coop.  Mrs. Crum (his teacher) calls me Coop the Mister.’

Cooper wanted some “beef turkey. Not the peppered kind just the redical kind.” I told him he could have some regular beef jerky. Haha.

Busy fun

We have had a lot of fun over the last few months.  We took the kids to Disney Jr. Live – Princesses & Pirates.  We didn’t tell the kids beforehand so they were a little overwhelmed.  I personally don’t like surprises, so I'm wary of surprising anyone else.  Chris is the opposite so he likes to surprise the kids.  Charlotte said the seats weren’t very good and that we should sit in the very front next year (huh, sounds like her daddy).  Cooper seemed very bored with the princess part, but loved the pirate part of the show, while Charlotte danced and sang to the entire show.  Chris and I didn’t like the message ‘Princesses are for girls, pirates are for boys’, otherwise it was a cute show.  Charlotte had a hard time choosing between princess and pirate stuff, but ultimately chose Princess Sophia.  When Cinderella came on stage, Charlotte got very excited and said, “Look mommy, it’s…Mommy, which one is that again?”  LOL.
Chris and I bought tickets for 6 Nuggets games this year, from a friend who has really amazing season ticket seats.  We both LOVE basketball and have gone to games since we first started dating.  I love the sound of basketball so much, that I have ‘basketball’ sounds downloaded on my ambiance app to enjoy while I’m on the train commuting to/from work.  We had a good time, despite them losing.

We went and saw the new Lego movie with a bunch of friends and their kids.  We took up an entire theater row.  It was fun to see everyone and it was a cute movie.  The kids loved it.

I took the kids sledding for the first time this winter.  We’ve had snow prior to this, but it’s been way too bitter cold to go.  It was SO much fun this year.  They are really into it and I think it’s time to get Chris and I each a sled, plus find some bigger hills or go up to the slopes.

 

 

 

We went bowling, and they beat me!  They LOVE bowling.

We did some snow painting with kool-aid and water in spray bottles.

We went out with my best friend Raeann and her boyfriend Jon.  It’s a crazy small world, since Jon and I have been going to school together since 3rd grade, and Raeann and I have known each other since we were in 4th grade, but didn’t become friends until 7th grade!

We watched the playoff game for the Broncos and then went to dinner with our friends Hans and Monika.  They only live 10 min from us and are super fun people.

 

We also went to their house for NYE party and had a great time.  It was a formal party, so it was fun to get all dressed up!

 

Raeann and I took Jon’s high school daughter to shop for a dress for a school dance.  We had dinner first at California Pizza Kitchen and then went to the mall.  It was fun to have a girls’ night out.  There were some creepy Beetlejuice mannequins at the store though.