This change brings relief

Almost 3 years ago I was faced with so much change in my life, I struggled to cope.  I had just had a new baby, moved from the only place I called home in CA to a much smaller apartment, started a new job, and adopted another baby.  All in a 3 month span.  I suffered from both post-partum depression and post-adoption depression.  It took me 10 months to recover.  I learned to let go and to forgive myself.  I learned how to be more courageous.

A year ago I was faced with the opportunity to pick up and move my whole life to the Middle East, all while being challenged with the developmental delays Charlotte was dealing with.  It worked out for us not to go, which was better for Charlotte in the end.  I learned that I was capable of being a risk taker.  I learned that when it comes down to it I choose my family over my career and I also learned how to be a better parent.

Only 8 months ago we moved from CA, our home of 8 years, back to the place we grew up—CO.  I accepted a new job with a new company, one that was substantially more challenging.  We bought a new house and learned how to be so close to all of our family.  Trust me when I say it has been an adjustment.  (It is one of the reasons I have slowed down on blogging…I’ve had some frustration and disappointment, but it has involved more people than just myself.  I didn’t feel like blogging about those feelings was appropriate or fair to those people in my life.)

I learned that I had made it.  I had achieved everything I had ever dreamed of (at age 14) by the age of 30.  I graduated valedictorian, got an academic scholarship, got my degree in engineering, went on an adventure, got married, became financially secure, got my masters, became a mother, became a manager, and bought a house.  What do you do when you get to the only place you’ve ever dreamed of?

I am now faced with more change.  My dad’s health has declined very quickly.  So quickly in fact that it was only a week ago that I thought a few days at most to say my goodbye.  I cannot express how lucky I felt to make the change only 8 months ago and move back home to be near family.  I have become medical power of attorney and my husband is financial power of attorney.  We not only have our own life to manage but also my dad’s.  This change came much sooner than I ever expected.

And today I am faced with yet another change, again sooner than I expected.  My company has chosen to close the Denver office.  I will have the choice to relocate to Houston or to take a severance package.  When I look at my life and see where I am at and look back at the changes I’ve experienced in the last 3 years I already know what my choice is.

But for the first time in my life I am without a long term vision.  Something that will make me work day in and day out toward a much larger dream of what I want my life to look like by age 45.  It’s more complicated with a husband and children than it was at age 14.  I don’t know what that includes right now and I really feel like my head is spinning. 

For me change has always brought opportunity.  I think this will be an amazing time for me to pause and really think about what I want my next step to be.  A time to build a vision for myself and my family.  A time for me think about what is most important in my life.  This change brings me a sense of relief.