Adoption Discussions

Now that Charlotte is getting older I’m finding myself less and less comfortable answering questions on her behalf in regards to her adoption. I’ve always believed that it is Charlotte’s story to be told and she can choose who to share it with. At the same time, I realize that as her mom it is my job to make sure she has the words to proudly discuss how she joined our family. It makes my heart sing when I hear, not only Charlotte, but also Cooper, tell other people about our family.

The kids had their kindergarten screening a few days before the first day of school. When we arrived all of the kindergarten teachers were in one classroom. One of the teachers began asking the kids questions. First question – “Are you both going to be in kindergarten?” The kids answered with a resounding “YES!”. The teacher then asked, “How old are you?”. At the same time, Charlotte answered, “Five!” and Cooper said, “We are both five!”

And that’s when the teacher asked the question we get every single time we answer the ‘how old are they?’ question:

“Are you twins?” The teacher looked at Chris and I, and we gave nothing away. We just smiled and let the kids answer the questions.

Without missing a beat and without looking back at us to confirm if they should answer, this is what happened:

Cooper: No.

Charlotte: ::stands taller, puffs chest, while pointing with her thumb over to Cooper, said in a clear proud voice:: I was adopted and he is biological.

Teacher (to Cooper): So you’re her brother, then? (said confused and tentatively)

Cooper: Yes.?. :said in a very questioning way, like what else would I be??::

And with that the conversation ended. I never realized how much more polite adults are with questions when it is a child answering.

A similar conversation recently took place with the cashier at Old Navy:

Cashier: How old are you guys?

Cooper: We’re both 5.

Cashier: Are you twins?

Cooper: No.

Charlotte: He is biological. ::jutting her thumb toward Cooper with a very clear eye roll and tone that says ‘Not sure how that happened.’::

So, I think we have successfully given them words to explain our family in such a way that we are all proud.