My friend Jen posted the other day about extended nursing and in particular tandem nursing. She always brings up some interesting points about parenting and I often comment on her blog. I thought this might be worth covering over on my blog, since there were some follow-up questions that she asked that I actually get quite often from other people.
I am what is considered an extended breastfeeder since I am still nursing Cooper at 18 months. Many women stop breastfeeding at 6 months, but it is recommended to breastfeed until at least 12 months. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until age 2 or until mother and child want to stop. There are tons of benefits of breastfeeding and I have found that I really enjoy it.
I still breastfeed Cooper on demand, so whenever he asks for it. Sometimes I can redirect him to another activity if I don't want to nurse, but most of the time he just wants to reconnect. Other times he is thirsty or hungry and it's his way of letting me know. I offer a sippy cup of cow's milk and a snack if I think he's hungry/thirsty.
I nurse Cooper in the morning, before nap, and before bed. On days that I work he likes to nurse when I get home as a way to reconnect. If he's teething, growing, or sick then I will nurse him at night as well. This is usually only once in the middle of the night.
Some people wonder if there is jealousy between the two kids since Cooper nurses and Charlotte doesn't. Charlotte doesn't really notice when I breastfeed Cooper since she is usually having her own routine for morning, before nap and bedtime. She doesn't see the morning nursing session because it happens at 5:30 am and then he goes back to sleep and she's still sleeping at that time. The only session she sees is late afternoon after work.
She does show some jealousy over it, but I try to keep the few minutes of nursing dedicated time for just me and Cooper otherwise we're not really reconnecting. I ask her to read a book to me while I nurse Cooper, or other times I have Chris entertain her for the 10 min I am spending time with Cooper.
After I'm done nursing Cooper, Charlotte likes to pretend she nurses. I leave my shirt up, but close my bra and we sit and cuddle for a few minutes with her cheek on my chest. This has been an important time for bonding with Charlotte since we seem to connect more when we have skin to skin contact (it's the same reason we love swimming together).
When she needs cuddles from me she will also ask to nurse like Cooper does - pulling at my shirt and saying ba-ba (although Cooper says mmm-mmm). We obviously don't nurse, just cuddle. Cooper will get jealous of the time I spend with Charlotte in this way and I just explain that we take turns and his turn will be next.
To be honest I really wish I nursed both of them so that I could have more dedicated time with Charlotte like I have with Cooper. We tried early on to get her on a wide mouth bottle but she didn't understand. When she was younger I tried nursing, but she also didn't understand that. Now that she is older, she tries to suckle, but she's bit me a couple times not understanding what to do, so I don't let her try anymore.
I still struggle not having that dedicated time though. I always have to put Cooper to bed because he nurses, so I miss that one on one time with Charlotte. I guess Chris feels the same since he always puts Charlotte down.
To get more one on one time with the kids, we both have to make an effort. In the evening time Chris and I each pick one and spend 15 min uninterrupted time doing whatever they want. Charlotte usually wants to read books and sing songs. Cooper usually wants to wrestle, play with blocks/legos, or hide under the blankets. We switch everyday so we always get time with each of them. On the weekends we each take a kid and run an errand so we also get one on one time with them outside of the house.
As for when I plan to stop, I'm not really sure when that will happen. I used to think I would nurse just past 1 year, like around 14 months. That came and went and neither of us were ready to stop so we kept nursing. Then I thought 18 months might be reasonable since surely I would be tired of it, but here we are and neither of us are ready to stop.
I used to think maybe 2 was my ultimate stopping age, but as I see Charlotte getting closer to 2, I don't think we'll be ready at 2 either. I think 3.5 is my ultimate comfort level, but I will strongly encourage to end nursing between 2.5 and 3 if we are still going by then. I don't know why 3.5, but it feels strange to nurse a 4 yr old to me! My guess is that Cooper will drop down to just bedtime nursing around age 2-3, since when he nurses at the other times it's very short at 7-10 min. Bedtime is the only time he takes 25 min to nurse.
The most frustrating part of still nursing is that I still pump once a day at work so that I can continue to nurse on the weekends for nap time. If I don't nurse for bedtime, naptime or in the morning, I have to pump and I HATE pumping, so I generally avoid it. This means I have to give things up like waiting to take a kid free vacation or going out early with my girlfriends. Since this isn't a forever thing, I'm okay with it right now. We'll see how I feel after being tied to Cooper's schedule after 2 years!
And for the record, if I found myself pregnant right now (I'm not and we're not even close to thinking about it), I would tandem nurse. I would nurse through the pregnancy and then nurse both the new baby and Cooper. I don't feel like it is weird at all.
Some people probably think it's strange to nurse a toddler that is Cooper's age. I think I've surprised myself at how comfortable I am with it--in fact I think I've turned out to be much more of a 'crunchy' parent than I ever expected.
What do you think is the right age to stop nursing? It's okay if it feels like you are judging me...I get it more than you know and I really am curious what people think is normal or strange.
No comments:
Post a Comment